Faith and Trust
by Tyoushiro
Summary: Yamato obsesses over the answer Taichi won't give him. It's driving him crazy, but not as much as the pain in his chest where Taichi's heart beat is absent...
1. Isolation

AN: I started this after watching Digimon Tri a second time. Just some thoughts on how the rest of the show could go, with a bit of angst and hurt/comfort moments thrown in.

In this universe, DNA digivolving leaves physical traces on the Digimon partners that fades over time.

Italics indicates quoted dialogue that Yamato remembers other people saying.

/ indicates Yamato's internal dialogue.

Any other oddities are purely my own.

* * *

 **Faith and Trust**

 **1\. Isolation**

The bottle of rum was empty, Yamato realized slowly, turning it upside down in an attempt to get every last drop into his mouth. Disappointed, he lowered his arm and the bottle, then leaned his head back against the outer wall of the apartment. A soft breeze blew over the balcony where he sat, raising goosebumps on his exposed skin.

The silence was deafening. No more Knife of Day, no more reason to practice his guitar… There was nothing left to do but exist.

 _What will you do with yourself? There must be something that interests you._

Yamato hadn't been able to answer that question easily. At one time, he would've said music interested him, but Yamato had come to the startling conclusion that it wasn't the music he cared about. It was the people who came to listen to him play - or at least, the people who used to come. It'd been months since anyone other than Takeru came to his concerts…

 _Have you spoken with your parents about your plans for the future?_

It was kind of impossible to do that when his otousan worked such impossibly long hours, and Yamato rarely spoke to his okaasan except for holidays and the occasional birthday. It was better that way, right?

 _It's not unusual for boys your age to be uncertain. You could always apply to a school and figure it out there. Two years is enough time, don't you agree?_

It'd been six years since they'd saved the Digital World, and even that hadn't been long enough for Yamato to figure himself out. How could anyone think it was humanly possible to accomplish such an enormous task in two years? It hadn't been easy back then, and if anything, it seemed harder now that he was older. Frustrated, Yamato banged his head lightly against the wall.

 _Surely you've talked to your friends? Maybe something they've said is intriguing…?_

What was Yamato supposed to say? Lunch time was spent typically trying to keep Taichi from ruining perfectly good food before Yamato had a chance to eat it. They never talked about anything serious, just normal conversation: did anyone do the homework for algebra, and if so, how were you supposed to solve problem fourteen? On rare occasion, they might have broken the rut and spoken about family: my dad is out of the country for a week, who wants to bring the beer? More often than not, though, lunch was a time for avoiding conversation. A time when Taichi liked to tease Yamato, smile that big grin like nothing was wrong inside his head, even though Yamato could see the doubt eating away at him…

 _What about that one girl… Sora, I think? You seem to like her. Has she said anything to you?_

It'd been a mistake. That's what Sora had said two years ago, after they'd been dating for months and Taichi had finally started talking to them both again. She'd never loved him as anything more than a friend, and he'd only loved her for the attention she gave him. It was true, Yamato realized afterwards. He'd been just as happy to see Koushiro and Hikari, let alone Takeru or Taichi, at one of his concerts. Sora had been amazing for the part of him that was incredibly lonely, but she'd never quite managed to be the companion he needed, and Yamato hadn't been able to be as affectionate as Sora wanted him to be.

 _And Yagami?_

Taichi…

Yamato closed his eyes against the onslaught of memory: Taichi's face a mask of horror as they'd watched Alphamon reign destruction on the city. Their so-called leader had stood and watched as Yamato and Gabumon had tried to protect Meiko and Meicoomon, hadn't even flinched until towards the end when a well-timed blast on Alphamon's part coincided with a poorly-timed dodge on Yamato's. A few more centimeters and…

 _Yagami Taich? What does he plan to do?_

For a few brief moments, Yamato thought perhaps Taichi snapped back to his old self. The hands on his shoulders had been so reassuring, like Taichi was telling him that it was okay, that Yamato wasn't alone any more. Gabumon and Agumon had combined to become Omegamon, and Yamato had thrilled at the sight until Alphamon disappeared inside another digital rift, and Omegamon's form began to dissolve…

'Taichi's changed. We all have!' Takeru had argued the next day, after Yamato stormed away from their half-hearted meeting. 'Can't you be more understanding?'

Only Taichi hadn't changed, not really. Yamato knew that this uncertain, wavering person Taichi was portraying was the real Taichi, the one he'd worked so hard to hide from the others… was the Taichi that Yamato had seen all along.

 _Ishida-kun? Ishida-kun!_

The phone was ringing, but Yamato didn't feel like trying to stand to answer it. It was probably otousan calling to say he'd be late again, and to not wait up. The answering machine could get it, as far as Yamato was concerned. There was a click as the answering machine kicked on, followed by the standard greeting: 'sorry we can't come to the phone, please leave a message' blah blah blah.

BEEP.

The silence went on for all of fifteen seconds before Yamato heard the machine click off. He refused to think about who would bother to call without leaving a message.

/Couldn't have been very important, right?/ Yamato thought to himself as he dug his cell phone out of his pocket, just in case something important had happened.

There were no notifications about unread text messages, his inbox and voicemail were completely empty. Not even Gabumon had emailed Yamato to check on him, and it'd been days since Meicoomon had murdered Leomon in front of their eyes. Days since Yamato had actually gone to school like he was supposed to, days since he'd spoken to anyone at all, really, while he tried to piece together the reason why everything was falling apart again.

Yamato stared at the small screen in his hand, and almost dropped it when it began to play his ring-tone.

Otouto flashed across the screen, and Yamato fumbled to press the 'receive' button.

"Oniichan?" Takeru asked after an extended silence.

"Un?" Yamato replied tersely, nodding his head drunkenly and smacking it against the wall. "Ach!"

"Are you okay? You didn't cut yourself making supper or anything, right?"

There was too much food left in the fridge, Yamato had no reason to cook anything. Not that Takeru knew that, Yamato realized.

"Just… hit my head… on the wall…"

"Are… are you drunk?" Takeru's voice was pitched with worry, and for a moment, Yamato felt guilty about taking his call. If he hadn't, then Takeru wouldn't have been worried, right?

 _I'm a big kid, I don't need you looking out for me all the time._

"A little…?" Yamato confessed.

"Where are you? Are you home?"

"I'm not a kid, Take. Don't worry about me." Yamato mumbled.

"How can I not worry about you? Yamato -"

It was surprisingly easy to end the call, Yamato realized, pressing the red button. He hated when his otouto called him by his given name, and Takeru knew it, too.

A small part of him felt guilty though, for hanging up so suddenly. He didn't even know why his little brother had been calling. It might've been important…

 _I was afraid you were still sulking._

He wasn't sulking, he wasn't. There was just… no other way to deal with the loneliness. Taichi was still avoiding him, and being around the others would only serve as a painful reminder of that fact. It would've been easier if otousan wasn't working such late hours, if Yamato had had at least one person to vent his frustrations to…

 _Talk to me, Yamato! You're scaring me!_

/I'm starting to scare myself, too, Gabumon./

The phone in the living room was ringing again. The beep sounded, followed by what sounded like Takeru's voice. Even if the phone had been beside him, Yamato still would've refused to answer. Let someone worry about him, Yamato was tired of doing all the worrying on his own.

Exhausted, Yamato slowly laid down on the balcony floor and listened as the phone rang again and again. At some point, the callers stopped waiting for the answering machine, but the phone continued to ring. He wondered how long it would take before any of them took the hint. Even if a new digital rift opened up in the grey skies hanging high above his head, he wasn't answering his email, or the phone, or the door.

Door?

Yamato frowned, straining to hear inside the apartment. There was definitely someone alternating between pounding on the door and ringing the bell. It was hard to hear it over the ringing phone, but he could just make out the sound.

/Probably a worried neighbor, wondering why the phone's off the hook and no one's answering./ Yamato thought.

After a few minutes, the pounding and ringing stopped, and Yamato was certain that he'd be left to mull in peace. He sighed in relief, rubbing at his arms. He was starting to feel cold, but he didn't want to go inside with the phone still ringing like that…

There was a loud sound then, like the face plate of the door lock being slid up. Buttons chimed as they were pressed in quick order, followed by a positive chirping.

Had Takeru called their father, or was it a coincidence that otousan was home early?

"Oniichan?!" The door opened, and Yamato heard the sound of footsteps running into the living room. "Oniichan?!"

The phone that was ringing went silent, and Yamato heard Hikari's voice as she calmly spoke into the receiver.

"Un, Sora-san. We just got here, but we haven't seen him yet. Un, I'll let you know."

"He's not in his room!" Takeru was saying. "What if…?"

More footsteps reached his ears as Takeru and Hikari moved about the apartment, but they were getting steadily closer.

It wasn't fair, Yamato decided as the door slid open, that Hikari always seemed able to read him. She was entirely too sharp for Yamato's comfort, even if she was only doing it to make Takeru feel better.

"I found him!" Hikari shouted.

Yamato threw an arm over his eyes as she approached and kicked at the empty rum bottle by his feet.

"What'd you drag her here for?" Yamato grumbled as Takeru joined them.

The force of Takeru's silence was palpable, something that Yamato hadn't encountered before.

"Takeru!" Hikari's outburst was the only warning he had before his little brother was on him, tugging him upright by the arm.

"I can't believe you'd let me worry like this!" Takeru berated him. "Do you have any idea how scared I was? You hung up on me!"

 _Don't worry, I still love you best._

"Takeru…"

"He's freezing. Help me get him inside, ne, Hikari-chan?" Takeru asked Hikari as he looped Yamato's arm over his neck.

When had Takeru gotten so strong, Yamato wondered as he was hauled onto his feet. His legs were wobbly beneath him as Takeru tried to half-carry, half-drag him into the apartment while Hikari did her best to remove obstacles in their way. It wasn't until they were inside the apartment and Hikari had shut the balcony door that Yamato realized just how cold he'd been outside. He was dizzy enough from having drunk so much alcohol, but the sudden change in temperature made him feel even worse.

"Oniichan!" Takeru's voice was too loud in his ear, the arm wrapped around his waist was holding too tightly.

"Yamato-san!"

"I'm… okay." Yamato lied weakly, struggling to keep his eyes open.

"You're not okay!" Takeru argued, adjusting his grip slightly so that his fingers weren't squeezing Yamato so painfully below his ribs. "You don't have to be okay all the time! Why… why can't you just talk about it, talk to me, instead of doing whatever it is you think you're doing on your own?!"

 _I know how you feel, Yamato…_

Tears rose against his will in his eyes, and Yamato was horrified to find himself clinging to Takeru with every ounce of strength in his body.

"Oniichan…"

It wasn't that he didn't want to confide in Takeru - although he didn't - but how was he supposed to explain what he didn't understand himself? He'd been so happy that first time he and Taichi had digivolved Omegamon, not only because they'd finally stood a chance against Diaboromon. From the moment Omegamon appeared, Yamato had felt like he was carrying a piece of Taichi somewhere deep inside his soul. For days afterward, he'd sworn he could feel Taichi's heart beating right alongside his own. It'd been so comforting to feel like he wasn't alone anymore…

When Alphamon appeared and Taichi had finally - finally - gathered enough courage to digivolve Omegamon a second time, Yamato had been elated. The feeling of that second heartbeat alongside his own, the thrill of knowing that they could accomplish anything as long as they were together… it'd been a wonderful high, right until _that_ moment, when Taichi withdrew. Yamato still wasn't sure what had caused Taichi to doubt them - to doubt _him_ \- and he was exhausted from wondering what it was he'd done _wrong_.

"Just tell me?" Takeru asked meekly, cheek pressed to the top of Yamato's head.

Yamato shook his head as his tears stained Takeru's shirt, silent sobs racking his shoulders.

"C'mon, let's sit down, okay?" Takeru led Yamato towards the sofa, then carefully sat him down.

Yamato sniffled, wiping at his tears with the palms of his hands. He was shaking all over, even as Takeru tugged an afghan around his shoulders.

"I put water on for tea." Hikari chimed suddenly. "I hope that's okay, Yamato-san."

Yamato nodded wordlessly, pulling his legs up to his chest as Takeru sat on the opposite side of the sofa. The apartment was deathly quiet until Takeru turned on the TV, switching the input over to DVD.

"I'm betting 'El Dorado.'" Takeru said, watching as the main menu popped up. "How many times can you watch the same movie?"

Yamato shrugged. It was a classic American western that he enjoyed, mostly because it almost always put him to sleep.

"Anou, Yamato-san…" Hikari ventured slowly towards him, carrying a tray with the tea pot and three cups which she sat on the coffee table. "You don't look well."

A cold hand caressed his forehead, and Hikari make a tsking noise. "Is there any medicine in the bathroom?"

"I'll look." Takeru volunteered, though Yamato could have told him there wasn't any to be found. "Looks like I'll have to run to the Family Mart to get some. Do you want anything else while I'm out?"

Hikari shook her head and Takeru went to leave. Once he was gone, Hikari went to the bathroom to fill a bowl with cold water and to grab a wash cloth. She brought both back with her, dunked the cloth in the water and rung out the excess before pressing it to Yamato's forehead.

"I know, I know it's cold." Hikari murmured gently as Yamato cringed beneath the cold cloth. "But we need to get your fever down, Yamato-san."

 _I never doubted you, not even for a moment._

Something broke inside his chest, and he couldn't suppress a sob. Hikari pressed the cloth to his face, wiping at his tears as the DVD played on quietly behind her.

"Shhh… shhh…" Hikari murmured soothingly. "Takeru will be back soon… He's getting medicine to make you feel better… It's okay…"

It wasn't okay, Yamato wanted to argue. Medicine wasn't going to fix whatever problem Taichi had with him. He closed his eyes and leaned back on the sofa, but it didn't discourage Hikari from her ministrations. Shoulders shaking, tears still falling from his eyes, Yamato let an uneasy sleep claim him.

* * *

to be continued


	2. Despair

The stands were almost completely filled with spectators by the time Hikari and Takeru arrived at the soccer field, but somehow, they'd managed to find space in the upper tier to sit.

"GANBATTE, 'NIICHAN!" Hikari shouted, waving at Taichi even though her brother was completely focused on the ball in the referee's hand.

"Did I miss something?" Takeru asked as Hikari sat down on the bench beside him. "What's with the crowd?"

"It's the game that determines whether they make nationals." Hikari replied, a thoughtful look crossing her face. "It's why oniichan's been drilling the team so hard at practice."

"Oh?"

Hikari smiled thinly at Takeru, shrugging her shoulders. "Something about potentially being scouted and scholarship opportunities. At least, that's what 'niichan told okaasan."

The referee blew a whistle, and the ball was released onto the field. Takeru watched as Taichi swiped control of the ball before his opponent even had a chance, moving it down the field with a grace and speed that most people didn't expect Taichi to possess. He could almost imagine the dumb-founded expressions on the players faces down on the field as Taichi whirred by.

"So is that what he's planning to do next year? Play soccer for a university?"

"I'm not sure. He won't say either way." Hikari admitted as Taichi shot the ball into the opposing team's goal. Around them, the crowd cheered. "What about Yamato-san?"

 _I don't know. Maybe I'll try music, and if that doesn't work… I guess I could be an astro-physicist, right?_

Takeru was fairly certain that Yamato had been joking, but it was difficult to tell sometimes. He couldn't even remember Yamato ever saying that he'd applied to any college, let alone what his major might've been.

"We've never really talked about that, I guess." Takeru admitted.

"What do you usually talk about then?" Hikari seemed genuinely interested, and Takeru couldn't help but smile at her as the players on the field below returned to their starting positions.

"Me mostly, I guess." Takeru replied. "How school is, and the things I'm interested in. Sometimes we talk about movies."

"And girls?" Hikari teased, jabbing him gently with her elbow.

"Ha ha. Very funny."

 _It's okay, Takeru. We don't need anyone else. I'll protect you._

It'd been years since their adventure in the Dark Master's forest, but Takeru remembered it clearly. It'd begun before that, of course, with a child's innocent comment.

He hadn't really meant that he'd preferred Taichi to Yamato. It was just that Taichi had been so outgoing compared to Yamato, so well-liked… By the time they'd encountered Puppetmon and Takeru had managed to halt the digimon's sadistic game,Yamato's self-confidence had been completely destroyed.

Then Takeru had made matters worse by telling his brother that he wasn't needed. That everyone else did just as good a job at taking care of him.

It'd been the truth, but Takeru couldn't have known then how it would eat away at Yamato.

Even now, years later, that moment haunted Yamato in ways that Takeru knew his brother tried to deny. It was obvious in the way that Yamato liked to tip-toe past certain subjects, and how he would deflect conversation so that he was rarely ever the one volunteering information or opinions.

The only person Takeru had ever seen successfully get Yamato to open up was Taichi, but now that they were fighting… Yamato would become even more withdrawn, wouldn't he?

It was difficult to not to blame Taichi, though Takeru tried his best to give Hikari's brother the benefit of the doubt. Just because his own brother was hurting didn't mean that Taichi didn't have a good reason for avoiding Yamato, right?

 _Coward! If you think you're so much better, why don't you prove it? Fight me, already!_

The whistle blew again, and the ball was on the field. Again, Taichi took control of it, this time moving left instead of right, feinting around his opponents as they tried en masse to stop his reign of terror on the field. Taichi's team mates were scrambling to run with him down the field, positioning themselves to receive the ball if Taichi needed to pass it.

For a while, Takeru was certain Taichi would keep the ball all to himself, but then his left leg tapped the ball so that it rolled to the right. His team mate with the name Ueno spelled out in large letters moved with the ball somewhat less naturally than Taichi had, but managed to score a goal none-the-less.

"I almost wish we could just lock them in the gym. Let them really duke it out, you know?" Hikari said suddenly. "I know it's not _supposed_ to fix anything, but…"

But Taichi and Yamato only ever seemed to really sort out their problems when they were both bruised and bleeding and too exhausted to keep up the masks they both tried to present to the world. It didn't seem to make any sort of logical sense to Takeru, and Hikari told him how much her parents hated it when Taichi came home looking like he'd lost a fight with an anime mecha, but it was what it was.

Besides, Takeru reasoned, Yamato had always been like that. He'd inherited their father's passion and sense of justice and, apparently, his strong right hook. It'd made their mother mad so often when they were growing up before the divorce, and the older Yamato got, the more fights he'd gotten into. Then their parents had divorced, and Takeru was certain that his brother blamed himself for it.

He wasn't entirely sure that Yamato was wrong. Why else would their mother go to such lengths to avoid talking to her oldest son?

"You used to really hate it when they'd fight." Takeru commented, watching as Taichi slapped Ueno's shoulder as they gulped water on the sidelines.

"I still don't _like_ it when they fight like that." Hikari replied. "But it's better than… whatever _this_ is. Don't you think?"

Before Takeru could answer, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He withdrew the phone and flipped it open, raising it to his ear without even looking at the caller ID.

"Moshi moshi?"

 _Yamato._

"Takeru."

"Mom?" Takeru exchanged an uneasy glance with Hikari. "What's up?"

"I know you're at your friends game, and I didn't want to worry you, but… have you spoken with your brother lately?"

 _Okaasan…_

They hadn't spoken since Leomon was… murdered. Takeru had texted Yamato several times, though. He'd gotten a few responses at first.

If 'un' and 'aa' could be considered responses which, in sulking Yamato speech, Takeru did.

"Not in a few days, I guess. I hadn't really thought about it much." Takeru replied. "Why?"

His mother sighed, a noise that was almost exclusively reserved for her frustration with either her ex-husband or Yamato.

"I got a call from his teacher. Nijishima-sensei? Apparently your brother hasn't been in school at all this week -"

"WHAT?!" Takeru didn't mean to shout, but he couldn't contain his shock.

"What's wrong?" Hikari asked, putting a hand on his arm as the people around them glared at him for his outburst.

"Apparently your father's on a business trip, and I tried calling the apartment but no one answered."

"I'll see if I can't get a hold of him." Takeru replied earnestly.

"I'm sure he's okay, Takeru." his mother reassured him, but Takeru's heart was already half in his throat as he they ended the call.

 _I just… have to do this. On my own._

Takeru pressed the number one speed dial on his phone, eyes staring at the field but seeing nothing as he waited for the lines to connect.

When it finally did, no one said a word on the other end, but Takeru could hear someone breathing.

/Does that mean…?/

"Oniichan?!" Takeru asked, hating the desperate tone in his voice.

"… un?" Yamato's voice was thick on the other end of the call, and then Takeru heard a thud. "Ach!"

"Are you okay?!" Takeru demanded. "You didn't cut yourself making supper or anything, right?!"

His heart was pounding as he waited for Yamato's reluctant response, praying that his brother hadn't done anything drastic.

"Just… hit my head… on the wall."

The way that Yamato was speaking so slowly, his words slipping together, bothered Takeru. He'd heard Yamato like that before, but he'd…

"Are… Are you _drunk_?"

Hikari gasped in shock beside him, her brown eyes wide with concern.

"A little…?"

Takeru released a slow, steady breath as he counted backwards from ten inside his head.

"Where are you?" he demanded. "Are you home?"

/And if so, why didn't you answer the phone when mom called?/

"'m not a kid, Take… Don't worry 'bout me." Yamato mumbled sullenly.

"How can I _not_ worry about you? _Yamato_ -"

There was a familiar click, followed by silence.

"Yamato? Oniichan? Oniichan?!" Takeru held his phone out, staring at the screen in disbelief as the word 'disconnected' flared across the screen in red, angry characters.

"What happened?" Hikari asked gently.

"He hung up on me!"

 _I saw the whole thing. He just… turned around and walked away._

Takeru stood up, searching wildly for the fastest route to get down from the bleachers.

"I have to go." He was mumbling, even as Hikari was following his lead. "I have to find him."

Hikari's hand was on his arm as they made the descent down the stairs. A cheer went up as someone scored - probably Taichi's team - but Takeru couldn't be bothered to care. His feet took him down the familiar dirt-lined path from the soccer field towards the campus' main road, Hikari struggling to keep up with his fast pace.

"What happened?" she asked as they passed the student building.

Taichi had happened. Alphamon and Omegamon had happened, and Meicoomon, and the digital rifts in general…

"Takeru?"

 _Our parents divorced when Takeru was really young. We don't… we don't see each other much._

"He's probably home." Takeru replied tersely, hoping that he was right. Yamato had sounded drunk enough that, if he _wasn't_ at the apartment, Takeru doubted he'd remember where he _was_. "Mom said Nijishima-sensei called her because oniichan hasn't been in class at all this week."

"What?" Hikari sounded as surprised as Takeru had been. "But… oniichan…"

/So… Taichi didn't notice either./

Takeru wasn't sure if that was comforting.

Hikari's hand tightened on his arm, enough that Takeru slowed his pace slightly. "We'll find him, Takeru. Yamato-san… we'll find him."

Takeru was certain that Hikari was right: they would find Yamato. He just wasn't sure that he was ready to see the state that his brother would be in when they found him.

Hikari seemed to understand his silence, and respected it as they continued to walk down the tree-lined sidewalk. He heard her texting one-handed as they walked, but he didn't ask who she was texting. Probably Sora, or Koushiro… maybe the whole group.

They were four blocks from the apartment that Takeru's father and brother lived in. Four blocks to muster his courage, gather his patience, and pray that he didn't handle the situation as poorly as their mother would…

 _You've… gotten taller, Yamato._

Takeru hadn't noticed it at first, those rare phone conversations between his brother and mother that he'd happened to overhear.

Their mother never said things like 'I love you' or 'I miss you' or 'Are you eating?' to Yamato.

It was always the same questions. How are you? Should I get Takeru?

Always the same answers. I'm doing well, thanks. Take care.

To anyone else, they could've been strangers. It was hard sometimes for Takeru to remember that they actually shared a bloodline.

Yamato… probably felt the same way.

When he'd started to notice it, Takeru had doubled his efforts to be affectionate towards his brother. He always tried to let Yamato know that there was love between them, even when they had a disagreement, always let Yamato know that someone in the world was thinking about him.

Or at least, Takeru _had_ until the fiasco with Meicoomon.

It'd just been so much for him to handle, between trying to comfort Hikari and play go-between for Taichi and Yamato… he'd needed time to breathe on his own, free of responsibility.

He hadn't realized that taking time for himself would give Yamato the time his brother needed to self-destruct, but then, he also hadn't known that their dad was on a business trip, either. The man typically worked late hours, but after being promoted to the senior producer position at the station, he'd been home even less frequently according to the few bits and pieces of information Takeru _had_ managed to get out of his brother.

/Oniichan might've not known, either./

"We're almost there." Hikari said suddenly, and Takeru realized that she was right. They were already passing the Family Mart that was just adjacent to the building where his brother and father lived. Hikari tugged on his arm, pulling him towards the building.

The elevator was just inside the apartment building's front doors. When the elevator door opened, they squeezed inside the small space and Takeru quickly pressed the button for the ninth floor.

"I texted the others." Hikari confessed, her worried face reflecting in the metal of the elevator's interior.

Takeru nodded grimly and watched as the elevator's indicator counted slowly upward.

One… two… three…

"I kind of figured." Takeru replied mechanically.

Four… five… six…

It'd be another blow to his brother's pride, but Takeru supposed it was okay as long as someone - anyone - could get through to Yamato.

Seven… eight… nine!

The doors opened and Takeru rushed out into the hall, nearly knocking over a middle-aged woman as she came unsuspectingly around the corner.

"Sorry!" Takeru shouted, and he could hear Hikari apologizing more profusely as he darted towards the apartment marked '921 Ishida.'

He could hear the phone ringing inside the apartment, not that he'd have expected Yamato to pick up the land line if he was at home. His brother hated wasting his breath on would-be phishing scams and sales calls.

Determined, Takeru tried the doorbell first, then pressed his ear to the door. The phone was still ringing, so maybe Yamato couldn't hear the chime over the phone?

Takeru tried pounding on the door with his fist.

"Is he not home?" Hikari asked as she approached.

Takeru tried the door bell again, then bit his bottom lip. He hadn't wanted to use the door code because it felt like an invasion of sorts, like he was forcing himself on Yamato when his brother probably just wanted to be left alone…

 _Being alone all the time… You forget that you have people who care. That's why I'm glad that I have friends… to remind me…_

Takeru shook his head and slid the face of the door plate up, then pressed the key code in quick, sharp strokes. There was a chime, and he heard the lock release.

He turned the handle and threw the door open, storming inside without even taking off his shoes first.

"Oniichan!" Takeru shouted into the dimly lit apartment. "Oniichan!"

Hikari was answering the phone as Takeru peeked into the bathroom, then Yamato's room, then their father's. His brother was no where to be seen.

"He's not in his room!" Takeru said, slamming his fist down on the kitchen table in frustration. "What… what if…?"

Hikari calmly hung up the phone and closed her eyes, deeply concentrating. A moment later, she opened her eyes and walked calmly towards the balcony doors, then tugged them open.

"I found him!" Hikari shouted.

Relief washed through Takeru's body as he joined Hikari on the balcony.

Yamato was laying on the balcony floor, an arm thrown over his face. An empty rum bottle clattered at his feet.

"What'd you drag her here for?" Yamato whined.

 _We don't need Taichi… We don't need anybody, just you and me. Right?_

"Takeru!" Hikari shouted in surprise as Takeru neared his brother.

He felt angrier at Yamato than he had ever felt in his life, angrier than when Yamato had left him and Sora alone in the desert to go look for Taichi…

Takeru grabbed Yamato's arm and hauled him to his feet with a strength that surprised them both.

"I can't believe you'd let me worry like this!" Takeru shouted. "Do you have any idea how scared I was? You hung up on me!"

Yamato's eyes were wide with surprise, the color draining from his face as though Takeru had physically slapped him.

"Takeru… I…"

"He's freezing. Help me get him inside, ne, Hikari-chan?" Takeru looped Yamato's arm over his neck and grasped his brother's waist as he tried to lead Yamato back into the apartment.

Once they were safely inside and Hikari had shut the balcony door behind them, Yamato's rum-weakened legs gave out almost all together. It happened so quickly that Takeru barely managed to tighten his grasp on Yamato's waist.

"Oniichan!"

"Yamato-san!"

 _That was some fight with Seadramon, Yamato. Are you sure you're okay? You're not hurt anywhere?_

"I'm… okay."

It'd been a lie back then, too, but Takeru only knew that because he'd overheard Jyou as he'd cornered Yamato. His brother had been bruised badly by Seadramon's tail, enough so that Jyou had thought he might've had cracked ribs…

"You're not okay!" Takeru retorted, trying to adjust his grip on Yamato. "You don't have to be okay all the time! Why… why can't you just talk about it, talk to me, instead of doing whatever it is you think you're doing on your own?!"

Before Takeru knew what was happening, his brother was suddenly clinging to him and his shirt was becoming damp.

Crying. Yamato was crying.

"O-oniichan…" Takeru felt some of his anger melt away, and he rested his cheek against the top of Yamato's head. "Just… just tell me?"

Yamato shook his head as much as he could, his shoulders shaking with painfully silent sobs.

"C'mon, let's sit you down, okay?" Takeru guided his brother to the sofa and sat him down, then wrapped an afghan around Yamato's shoulders.

Yamato looked miserable, tears falling from his eyes even as he swiped at them ineffectively with the back of his arms. Hikari put on water for tea in the kitchen, and Takeru tried to conquer the silence by turning on the DVD player.

"Anou, Yamato-san…" Hikari hedged as she carried the tray with tea on it into the living room. "You don't look well."

Takeru could see what she meant after she mentioned it: Yamato's cheeks were flushed, eyes glossy with tears and maybe fever. At Hikari's request, Takeru tried to find cold medicine in the bathroom, but there wasn't anything at all except for a pair of toothbrushes, a tube of half-used toothpaste, and their father's favorite shaving cream.

"Looks like I'll have to run to the Family Mart to get some. Do you want anything else while I'm out?"

Hikari shook her head, and Takeru exchanged a worried glance over Yamato's head before heading out.


	3. Cowardice

**Cowardice**

The spray of the shower was hot enough to sooth most of Taichi's aching muscles, but the one in his chest refused to go away. It throbbed dully, a vague pulsing that had been plaguing Taichi for a little over a week.

Not that he'd lost sleep over it. He'd run the team and himself ragged almost nightly to make sure of that.

 _It's just a game, Taichi._

That's what Sora had said the day before when he'd asked her if she was going to come watch the game. She'd looked disappointed and angry at him as she'd shut her locker, holding her books close to her chest. It was a look that had become familiar years before, back when they'd been on the same soccer team and Taichi had finally gotten the courage to tell Sora the truth.

That she wasn't a good soccer player. That she was barely an adequate one, and she should quit if she didn't want to continue warming the bench all season.

It hadn't gone over well, not that Taichi had expected it to.

 _We're all hurting, and all you can think about is soccer!_

They weren't the only ones hurting, though, Taichi had wanted to argue. There were thousands of others - innocent bystanders - that were suffering because of the infected digimon. People who had every right to be scared of digimon, people who couldn't be expected to understand that not all digimon meant harm.

He'd tried to explain that to the others, but Yamato…

Yamato had been so angry, so easily offended by Taichi's simple observation.

 _Taichi, what is it that you want to say? Why are you hesitating?!_

'Why should we fight?' Taichi had wanted to say. 'Why should our digimon friends be the ones to get injured, to be blamed for the destruction?'

He'd hesitated because he'd known that it was cowardly, that it wasn't something a leader could say and maintain the respect required to lead.

Not that Yamato had needed Taichi to say a single word. Those blue eyes had glared right through Taichi's soul and found him lacking, just like Yamato had found him lacking even long before they'd even learned that they were destined to save the digital world…

 _Our Digimon are in danger until we can figure out what's behind the rifts and the infected digimon. Shouldn't that be more important?!_

It was important, Taichi knew that. But he also knew something that he'd learned over the years, first as an ordinary player on a team, and later as the team captain: morale was key to performing well. The way he saw it, sitting around talking about how hopeless the situation was wouldn't help to improve the team's morale. No one even knew what exactly they were up against!

Hikari, at least, seemed to understand. She'd perked up slightly when Taichi mentioned that the game would be on Saturday, and she'd smiled the first genuine smile Taichi had seen on her face in over a week as she'd called Takeru to invite him along…

 _Ganbatte 'niichan!_

Hikari had cheered loudly for Taichi even before the game started. He'd watched from the field as she and Takeru sat high in the bleachers, had felt the ache in his chest abate somewhat as adrenaline started to kick in.

The first point had been fairly easy for Taichi. The opposing team was no match for his team at all, but somewhere around the second point of the game, something had changed. The ache in his chest had become sharp, like a knife stabbing into his heart. It'd taken all of Taichi's effort to pass the ball to Ueno and not clutch at his chest like he was having a heart attack.

Instead, Taichi had turned his head towards the bleachers where Hikari and Takeru were sitting. Takeru had been holding his cell phone to his ear, and the look on the younger teen's face had been dark, angry even. He wasn't sure what had happened, but whatever it was must've been pretty intense because Takeru and Hikari had left the bleachers in a hurry.

Taichi had lost almost all of his focus at that point, because the pain wouldn't let up and his mind was churning with an anxiety that he couldn't explain. The coach had benched Taichi for pretty much the rest of the game after that.

Sora probably would've appreciated the irony.

 _The hell is wrong with you, Yagami? Are you sick?_

That was what the coach had asked him after they'd won the game, a mere seven points to five. It'd been said gruffly, but Taichi had seen genuine concern in the coach's eyes as the rest of the team scurried off to the showers.

Taichi had rubbed at his chest and promised to do better in their first nationals game. It wasn't a promise that he was sure he could keep, but it'd been all that the coach had needed to hear before letting Taichi join the rest of the team in the showers.

/I'm not sick./ Taichi thought to himself, pressing a closed fist to the painful spot beneath his breast bone. /I just don't know what's wrong with me lately./

He shut off the spray of the water and left the shower room, grabbing a towel on the way out. The rest of the team was too busy teasing each other to notice. Maybe they just didn't care. Taichi couldn't be sure.

 _You're just a coward that's running away!_

He opened his locker and rummaged under his neatly folded stack of clothes for his cell phone. The front screen indicated that he had several unread emails and one missed call.

Curious, Taichi flipped the phone open and checked the call log. Sora had tried to call, but it'd been in the middle of the game.

/She knows we're not allowed to have phones on the field./ Taichi grumbled mentally, flicking the side button to check his emails.

There was one email marked with an urgent exclamation point that Hikari had sent to all of the Chosen children. The email itself was very brief, utilizing the short-hand code that they'd developed years ago: 'Y MIA. En route. Advise.'

It lacked Hikari's usual elegant acronyms, and the time stamp meant that it'd been sent around the time that she and Takeru had left the bleachers. Taichi frowned and flipped the phone shut.

Yamato was missing. That was the general gist of what Hikari's email had said. She and Takeru had gone to the apartment, but they were hoping that the others would try to intercept Yamato on the off-chance that he wasn't there.

Taichi set the phone aside and pulled on his underwear as he tried to push concern for Yamato out of his mind. They weren't even talking to each other, Taichi reasoned as he stepped into his pants one leg at a time. There was no reason to worry about Yamato at all. He pulled his shirt over his head and ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to make it somewhat more presentable.

 _If you're not busy, the band is doing a gig on Sunday. You should come._

It'd been months, maybe even a year, since Taichi had gone to one of Yamato's concerts. There'd been a thousand reasons not to go: soccer practice, homework, and chores being the most commonly used excuses. Yamato had let it slide every time, though there'd been no disguising his disappointment, not from Taichi.

The last time, Taichi had twisted the knife extra hard: he'd invited Sora to his soccer game knowing that Yamato had invited her to his concert. Sora had said she would watch the game, too, and Yamato had walked away quickly after that.

Sometimes, Taichi wondered if Sora really _had_ broken up with Yamato.

'Sora? She never goes to his concerts anymore.' Hikari had said later that night. There'd been a look on Hikari's face, like she'd been about to elaborate, but then she'd thought better of it. Taichi hadn't pressed the matter.

Taichi grabbed his phone and flicked it open with his thumb. Should he call Sora back, listen to what he already knew she would say? His thumb hovered over the number four speed dial, but Taichi was reluctant to press it. Sora tended to get shrill when she was mad or upset. Taichi didn't need a headache on top of the ache in his chest.

/Maybe I should just call Hikari?/ Taichi thought, but immediately thought better of it as his thumb slid slightly to hover over the second speed dial. Hikari was probably busy trying to comfort Takeru as they searched for Yamato.

With a sigh, Taichi snapped the phone shut and shoved it into his pocket before grabbing his gear and slinging the bag over his shoulder.

The walk from the locker rooms to the main street that led through campus felt longer than usual. It was quieter, too, without his team mates or Hikari and Takeru to talk to.

 _I don't care when Omegamon disappeared. I want to know_ why _. Taichi!_

/Like I would know why./ Taichi thought to himself as he trudged along the tree-lined road.

Koushiro had come up with a theory years before that Taichi hadn't completely understood. It'd been a known fact at the time that the digimon needed energy from their partners in order to evolve. In order for Agumon and Gabumon to be able to evolve together into Omegamon, Taichi and Yamato needed to have compatible energies that resonated on the same wavelength. There'd been other words involved like 'amplitude' and 'exponential' that had been about as interesting as watching Hikari paint her nails.

/But we managed to evolve Omegamon./

Taichi sighed, thinking of that moment when Alphamon's blast had almost hit Yamato. Taichi had been in shock until that moment, when adrenaline had kicked in and he'd regained the ability to move. Yamato had been dazed as Taichi helped him to his feet, but even as Yamato had swayed unsteadily, he'd insisted that they'd needed to stop Alphamon.

Taichi had reluctantly agreed with Yamato's logic. They were the strongest of the Chosen children, the only ones whose digimon could evolve to the Mega level and beyond. If they didn't try to stop Alphamon, who else would stand a chance?

/But we were wrong. Omegamon wasn't strong enough to beat Alphamon./

That much had been evident even before Omegamon's evolution had failed, when Alphamon had disappeared inside a rift and Omegamon's attack ended up demolishing half of Palette Town…

"Taichi!"

 _Don't worry. I'll talk to oniichan later._

Somehow, Taichi's feet had taken him the long way home. The way that went past the apartment building where Yamato lived, and past the Family Mart that Takeru was walking out of.

/No turning back now./

"You found him, right?" Taichi asked, turning his head towards the apartment building.

Takeru nodded slowly. "Yeah. I've never seen him like this before, Taichi."

"Like what?" Taichi asked, hefting his bag slightly on his shoulder.

"Well… he was drunk when I talked to him on the phone. And then when Hikari and I found him on the balcony and brought him inside, he just… he just started crying." Takeru let out a long, shaking breath. "He won't talk to me about it, and Hikari said he's got a high fever and dad's out of the country and I… I don't know what to do."

Taichi swiped the bag from Takeru's hands and examined the box of medicine inside carefully.

"You know, Gabumon still swears that sick Yamato is worse than any of the Dark Masters combined." Taichi said. "You think the two of you can handle him on your own?"

The look on Takeru's face said it all.

Taichi sighed, resigning himself to his fate. He turned slightly and made to walk across the street towards the apartment complex.

"You're coming?" Takeru asked, already sounding more cheerful than Taichi had heard him in several days. "Hikari will be relieved!"

/At least one of us will be./ Taichi thought darkly as they walked into the apartment building.

 _It's kind of small, but it's just me and my dad, so…_

The first time Yamato had invited Taichi over had been shortly after they'd evolved Omegamon for the first time. Yamato's dad had been off that weekend, and they'd spent an ungodly amount of time watching old American movies, eating junk food and talking about what life would be like if their digimon were still with them in the real world.

It'd been the most fun Taichi had ever had outside of playing soccer. It hadn't even mattered that Yamato had fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of 'El Dorado' because Taichi had just as much fun poking holes in the plot lines with Yamato's dad. They'd talked for hours, about sports, about Yamato and Takeru and how happy Yamato's dad was that his boys had found such good friends…

The apartment hadn't changed much since that first time, Taichi realized as Takeru opened the door and led him inside. They stepped out of their shoes and Taichi set his gear by the door before walking into the living area where Hikari was perched on the edge of the coffee table.

"Tadaima!" Takeru announced quietly.

Hikari looked up, and Taichi saw the relief on her face when she realized that Takeru wasn't alone.

As Taichi walked towards his sister, he could see Yamato resting awkwardly against the back of the sofa. Yamato's cheeks were flushed red despite the cold cloth that Hikari pressed to his skin.

"Yamato." Taichi said, hoping to get some sort of response, but Yamato didn't even stir.

"I think he's asleep." Hikari murmured softly.

"Right." Taichi nodded slowly, then turned his attention to Takeru. "Let's get him into his own bed, see if we can make him a bit more comfortable before we try to get that medicine down his throat."

"Do you need me to take one side?" Takeru asked.

Taichi slid an arm beneath Yamato's blanket-wrapped shoulders and the other beneath his knees, and lifted Yamato with surprising ease on his own.

"Just get the duvet." Taichi replied. "Hikari, bring that bowl and cloth."

Takeru and Hikari did as they were told as Taichi carried Yamato into Yamato's bedroom. Taichi laid Yamato carefully on the bed, watched as Yamato's head lolled weakly.

"… Ta…i…" Yamato's eyelids fluttered, but they didn't seem able to stay open.

"Where's that medicine, Takeru?" Taichi asked.

"Um… how much…?" Takeru asked.

"Thirty milli-liters." Hikari replied softly. "Every six hours."

Yamato made a noise that he would've denied was a whimper as Taichi propped him slightly upright. Takeru handed Taichi the small cup of medicine and Taichi poured the liquid as carefully as he could past Yamato's lips.

Taichi relaxed slightly as he watched Yamato swallow the medicine.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Hikari asked. "Should we take him to the hospital?"

Taichi shook his head as he lowered Yamato back onto the mattress. "Let's give the medicine time to work. If nothing changes in an hour, we'll take him to the hospital."

He turned to take the bowl of water from Hikari when he felt a tug on his shirt.

Somehow, Yamato had gathered enough strength in his fever-induced delirium to grab the hem of Taichi's shirt.

"I'll watch over him." Taichi said, taking the bowl and setting it on the nightstand. He removed the cloth from the bowl and wrung out the water before placing it on Yamato's forehead. "Go tell the others that he's not missing any more."

Hikari and Takeru offered their gratitude as Taichi slowly perched on the edge of Yamato's bed.

"Idiot." Taichi said gently as he pried his shirt from Yamato's fingers with some difficulty. "Making everyone worry."

Taichi swung his legs up on the bed and sat with his back against the headboard, then checked to make sure that the cold cloth was still in place on Yamato's forehead.

 _Agumon and Gabumon being able to evolve together means that you and Yamato must have some sort of compatibility, a connection unique to the two of you._

Taichi had only closed his eyes for a moment, but Koushiro's words echoed loudly inside his head.

/A unique connection…?/

Exhaustion was taking over his body, Taichi realized, but with that realization came another: the pain in his chest, the inexplicable anxiety he'd felt on the soccer field, were gone.


	4. Interruptions

It was a simple declarative sentence that Yamato heard when he opened his eyes.

"You're awake."

It didn't explain why Taichi was in his bed, or how Yamato had gotten there, either, with his face a scant handful of centimeters away from Taichi's on the pillow with Taichi's right arm thrown casually over his waist.

/Am I… still dreaming?/ Yamato wondered.

He dismissed the thought as soon as he had it, because his dreams usually revolved around the childhood he preferred not to remember, and the future he didn't want to think about. They were never this pleasant.

"Yamato?"

Taichi's forehead was pressed against Yamato's suddenly, and Yamato felt a hot blush rise in his cheeks. What…?

"No more fever at least. Are you thirsty? Does your head hurt?"

"You're… really here." Yamato said stupidly.

Of all the people Yamato had expected, Taichi had been the last on the list.

 _Does it even matter? Alphamon was taken care of, right?_

Taichi had brushed off Yamato's concern so easily that day, hadn't he?

'Go find the digimon,' Taichi had said, 'because I have a practice game.'

No other explanations, no apologies for the days of distress he'd caused. And when Yamato had questioned him, had mentioned the sensation of doubt between them, Taichi had bolted.

/Why is he here now?/ Yamato wondered, though he couldn't help but feel a bit comforted by Taichi's presence. That alone seemed to have been enough to fill the aching void that had haunted Yamato for almost a week…

"Yeah. I'm here." Taichi murmured.

Yamato should have filled the silence that stretched between them with words like 'good' or 'I'm glad' or maybe even a barely whispered 'thanks.' It was far too easy for Yamato to get lost in the thoughts inside of his head, though, and by the time he realized what he was doing, it was always too late.

There was a knock on the door, a simple, familiar tap-tap-tap that Yamato knew was his otousan even before the door creaked open.

"Taichi? Are you awake?"

Whatever conversation Yamato might've had with Taichi was put on hiatus as Taichi turned and sat up.

"Ishida-san!" Taichi greeted. "Ohayou…"

 _Taichi seems like a decent kid. You should invite him over._

Otousan had liked Taichi from the start, hadn't he? From the moment they'd crossed paths on the streets of Odaiba, otousan had said he'd sensed something inside of Taichi.

Determination. Courage.

Things that otousan had gently tried to encourage in Yamato, but had never quite taken root.

It hadn't really been a surprise to Yamato at all when otousan had prodded and nagged at him to invite Taichi over. Even months after they'd defeated Apocalymon and returned to the real world, otousan never let the subject drop. Yamato would even wake up on the sofa in the morning to find a post-it sticking to his half-empty water glass reminding him to invite Taichi over…

Unfortunately for his otousan, Yamato had inherited his father's stubbornness. The more otousan had mentioned it, the more Yamato tried to avoid Taichi completely. He'd even jumped at the chance to spend the summer in Shimane with Takeru and their paternal grandparents…

Of course, that had almost been a disaster in itself when Diaboromon decided to threaten the world.

 _Shimane's the one with no computers._

Would Taichi ever stop teasing Yamato about that summer?

Probably not.

"Your mom's on the phone with Hikari. It sounds like she wants the two of you home."

Taichi cursed under his breath and slid off of the bed before walking towards the door. Once Taichi had gone, otousan sat on the edge of the bed.

"You wanna tell me what happened?"

/No./ Yamato thought petulantly.

Takeru had probably told him everything anyway.

"My head hurts." Yamato whispered honestly, feeling his head begin to throb. Or had it been aching the whole time, and Yamato only just realized?

Otousan patted his feet with a heavy sigh.

"Alright. Get some rest. We'll talk about this after I've taken Takeru home."

Yamato nodded into his pillow that still smelled like soccer field and summer rain where Taichi's head had rested. If he listened carefully, he could still hear Taichi's voice out in the living room.

"Oniichan? Otousan's gonna drop me off home. Feel better, okay?"

Takeru was standing in the doorway, an uncertain smile plastered on his face as he waited for Yamato to respond.

"Sorry, Yamato. Hikari and I have to leave, too."

Taichi was suddenly behind Takeru, and he wasn't smiling at all. Taichi looked genuinely upset that he had to leave.

"He'll see you at school tomorrow, Taichi." Otousan announced gruffly. "I can drop you and Hikari-chan off first if you want a ride."

Yamato lifted his right forearm slightly in a weak wave goodbye, then watched as Takeru and Taichi turned away. There were footsteps and the rustling of a bag, and then Yamato heard the front door open. A few minutes later, the door shut and Yamato was once again alone in the apartment.

It was so quiet that Yamato could hear the sound of the kitchen clock ticking. Each tick-tock was a reminder that when otousan came home, Yamato would have to confess to his crimes. Fighting with Taichi. Skipping school. Drinking…

Did he dare mention that he'd quit the band? He'd be lucky to escape with being grounded for a month…

Yamato groaned and buried his face in his pillow.

Stupid. He was so stupid. Fighting with Taichi, that wasn't anything unusual, was it? Skipping school… wasn't a good thing, but it wasn't like Yamato had never skipped before. But drinking…

The door lock chimed suddenly, and Yamato felt his entire body tense. He could hear his otousan's heavy steps in the living room, walking towards his room, and then his door was creaking as it swung open steadily…

"Yamato?" Otousan didn't sound angry. If anything, he sounded exhausted. "Yamato, look at me."

Yamato shook his head, feeling his shoulders shake as he bit back a sob.

"I'm not mad." Otousan said, and there was a comforting hand rubbing circles on Yamato's back. "I'm not _happy_ about it, but I think I can understand why you did it."

"Takeru's in trouble, isn't he?" Yamato asked brokenly, his voice muffled by the pillow. "It's my fault…"

"It's not your fault. Takeru knows he has a curfew. He knows he should've called okaasan as soon as he realized what was going on." Otousan replied evenly.

"But I…"

There were hands on Yamato's shoulders, dragging him upright until Yamato was sitting on the bed.

"It's your fault that you drank yourself sick, Yamato, but you can't take the blame for the the decisions everyone else makes." Otousan said. "Takeru and the others chose to take care of you."

/But they wouldn't have had to choose that if not for me…/ Yamato thought as his shoulders shook. Takeru hated to make okaasan angry, and if she was angry at Takeru because of something Yamato had done… Yamato couldn't suppress a guilt-ridden sob.

Otousan's arms wrapped Yamato in a rough hug and all of the frustration, all of the fears and thoughts that had been running around Yamato's head came pouring out in a flood of tears. When at last the sobs turned to sniffles and the tears started to dry on his cheeks, Yamato slowly pulled away from his otousan and swiped the heel of his hand across his eyes.

"Why aren't you at work?" Yamato asked nasally.

"I'm taking a few days off." Otousan replied with a tight smile. "It'll all be fine, you'll see. Now, do you think you're up to eating? Should I make porridge, or should I see what sort of leftovers are in the fridge?"

"Porridge… please." Yamato's stomach coiled at the thought of anything heavier than the watery rice soup.

"I'll go start it if you want to wash up first? Might make you feel a little better, hm?"

Yamato nodded his agreement and forced a smile as his otousan pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

"That's my boy."

 _This is my boy, Yamato. Yamato, Sawada here is my intern. He's going to watch you while I talk to my boss, okay?_

Yamato had been almost eight years old when his otousan had first taken him to the station where he worked. He could remember it clearly because he'd cried the whole way from the house where they'd lived with okaasan and Takeru to the station in Odaiba, and even after they'd gotten to the station and otousan had unbuckled Yamato's seatbelt and carried him inside, Yamato hadn't managed to control his sobbing.

It'd been shock. That was what he'd overheard otousan telling Sawada-san in the doorway of his office.

'Natsuko took it too far. She made Takeru watch…' Otousan had whispered.

Until that point, Yamato had been certain that otousan was going to remove him from the family register. That he'd be given to an orphanage, or some city-sponsored school for troublesome children that okaasan had always threatened Yamato with whenever he got in trouble… It'd never crossed his mind that maybe otousan and okaasan disagreed on how he was punished, or why.

'What do I do…?' Sawada-san had asked, and Yamato had noticed how otousan's intern had eyed him sitting on the sofa with trepidation. Like Yamato had been a bomb about to explode which, Yamato reflected, hadn't been far from the truth.

Otousan had said something about vending machines, and the next thing Yamato had known, he'd been walking beside Sawada-san, scrubbing tears from his face with the back of his sleeve.

'Sounds like your parents are gonna get divorced, doesn't it?' Sawada-san had asked as he'd put coins into a machine and pressed a button for apple juice. There'd been an awkward smile on Sawada-san's face as he'd opened the bottle of apple juice and handed it to Yamato.

Yamato had just held the bottle in his hands, wondering what 'divorced' meant as Sawada-san led him back towards the office…

Otousan had been reading at his desk when they'd arrived, but he'd waved Yamato over with a motion of his hand, and Yamato had climbed onto his lap eagerly.

 _Just a little bit longer, okay? That's my boy._

"Otousan?" Yamato asked, remembering falling asleep on his 'otousan's lap while watching papers get shuffled. When Yamato had woken up, he'd been on the office sofa with otousan's suit jacket draped over him and there'd been a large plush dog beneath his head for a pillow.

"Hm?" Otousan stood in the doorway, looking over his shoulder at Yamato.

"I'm… glad you're home." Yamato confessed, casting a short glance to the top of his bookshelf. The plush dog sat there still, its brown glass eyes staring sightlessly at the poster on the wall.

Were those tears in otousan's eyes? Yamato thought there might've been, but otousan turned away before Yamato could be certain.

"I missed you, too, son." Otousan replied.

Yamato carefully climbed out of bed and walked toward the doorway, wrapping his arms around otousan from behind.

"I'm sorry for making you worry."

"I know you are." Otousan patted Yamato's hands on his stomach. "You'll be sorrier tomorrow. Nijishima-sensei wants you in his office first thing, and I'm sure your friends will have something to say to you, too."

Yamato nodded wordlessly against otousan's back, feeling a tear trickle from his eyes again.

"Go get washed up, Yamato." Otousan added firmly. "We can talk about the rest of your punishment tomorrow."

* * *

~tbc


	5. Observations

"It's been a while. How's it taste?" Hiroaki asked, leaning on his elbows on the table as Yamato swallowed the first spoonful of porridge.

It couldn't taste very good. Hiroaki knew that because it'd been ages since he'd had to use a rice cooker, and longer still since he'd used one to make porridge. Were you supposed to put twice as much water as normal? Hiroaki couldn't remember, but he'd tried his best and it'd come out both too watery and undercooked.

There was a reason Yamato was the one who did most of the cooking.

"It's fine." Yamato said softly, but he refused to meet his father's curious gaze.

/Liar./ Hiroaki thought, leaning back slowly in his chair and crossing his right leg over his left. It took every ounce of patience within his body to keep from letting out a heavy sigh, because he hated seeing his son suffer needlessly. How long would Yamato torture himself, blaming himself for whatever trouble Takeru and the others got themselves into?

Maybe Natsuko was right. Maybe it was his fault for leaving Yamato alone so often.

"Bullshit."

Was that a smile? A small, fragile upward turn of Yamato's lips? It was hard to tell, because Yamato had ducked his head and was hiding behind his blond bangs.

"It's… edible." Yamato added before trying to swallow a second spoonful. "… for the most part."

"Uh huh." Hiroaki shook his head and smiled in spite of himself. "Is this the part where you tell me to leave your rice cooker alone?"

"Maybe just stick to the sushi rice setting?"

 _It's more than the digimon being in danger, dad. I think… I think it's something to do with Taichi._

Somehow it always came back to Taichi.

Hiroaki liked Taichi: he was affable, positive and someone that always seemed determined to act instead of running away. It hadn't hurt that Taichi was in Yamato's year, that he lived near their apartment complex, and when Hiroaki had found out that Taichi was also involved in the digital phenomenon… He'd taken it as a sign.

Yamato wasn't easy to get along with, after all, but for some reason, Taichi had seemed determined to try.

Not that the relationship was without its ups and downs. Takeru had told his father on multiple occasions of the fights that Taichi and Yamato got into, both in the digital world and in the real one. There'd been numerous misunderstandings, some that had led to physical fights. At one point, Yamato had even attacked Taichi with MetalGarurumon's help.

It'd been a close call, that fight, if Takeru was to be believed, but in the end everything had turned out for the best.

 _There was something wrong with Omegamon. Oniichan seemed to think it was Taichi's fault, but he wouldn't say more than that. Not to me, anyway._

Were they still fighting, Hiroaki wondered, or had they somehow made up in the few hours Taichi had been in the apartment?

Yamato probably wasn't the best person to ask. Would Taichi be a better source of information?

/Not likely./

Taichi probably didn't even realize that Yamato would classify whatever disagreement that they'd had as a fight. He'd probably chalked it up to another of Yamato's dark moods and continued on with his day without ever thinking that maybe there was something that needed to be worked out. It'd happened before, after all.

Hiroaki sometimes wondered what would happen if Hikari and Takeru weren't such observant and caring younger siblings.

"It's been a while since Taichi came over, hasn't it?"

Yamato put down his spoon slowly before nodding in a single, jerky motion.

 _Sora said we should tell Taichi that we're dating. He… said it was okay, but I dunno. He seemed sad, I guess._

Had Taichi come over to the apartment at all since that day?

Hiroaki thought maybe once or twice, but it'd only been when the Digimon had been involved and the world was under threat. Maybe that was when the trouble had really started…

It wasn't that Hiroaki didn't like Sora - she was a lovely girl. The problem was that she reminded him too much of Natsuko, and Hiroaki had had his suspicions from day one that the relationship was doomed.

What Yamato had wanted wasn't Sora's love, but the mothering that Sora seemed to give to all of the Chosen Children so naturally. She'd called daily to check on Yamato, to remind him to eat or to study, not to forget such and such test…

It was exactly how Natsuko treated Takeru. She'd never really given that sort of attention or affection to Yamato.

Hiroaki blamed himself for that.

 _And no one comes to his concerts any more. I mean… his fans do, but Taichi and the others… don't._

Lonely.

That was how Takeru had described his oniichan. Even his bandmates had noticed it, had told Takeru that Yamato didn't seem to enjoy the music any more.

There'd been a few fights there, too, from what the band manager had told Hiroaki, and it'd come to a head about a week ago when the drummer had told Yamato to quit if he was going to be 'such a downer.'

Was it supposed to be a secret that Yamato had quit?

The only reason Hiroaki had encouraged him to join a band in the first place was because he was afraid that Yamato would get lonely if he'd spent all those hours by himself in the apartment…

Yamato knew that.

… right?

 _I'm really worried about him, 'tousan._

Hiroaki was starting to feel a sizable concern himself. The son sitting at the table in front of Hiroaki seemed more like the eight-year old that he'd first brought into the apartment.

Quiet. Anxious. Lonely.

Nothing like the sharp-tongued, quick-witted and confident young man that he'd started to become.

/One step forward, two steps back./ Hiroaki thought mournfully.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

There was an extended silence filled with the gentle tick-tick-tick of the clock. Eventually, Hiroaki sighed heavily. "Takeru said you were drinking."

Yamato nodded tersely in acknowledgement. It was a start, Hiroaki decided hopefully.

"Why?"

More silence answered, and Hiroaki could tell that Yamato's fingers were fidgeting nervously with he fabric that covered his thighs.

So be it.

"I'm guessing it has something to do with he fight you and Taichi had about the digimon."

"Is that what Take told you?!" Yamato demanded, a furious and scandalized look on his face.

"Is he wrong?"

There was a huff of breath as Yamato crossed his arms over his chest defensively and looked out the darkened window just beyond the TV.

"I wasn't… it was more of a…" He was struggling for words, but Hiroaki couldn't be sure if it was because Yamato was trying to make the situation sound less childish or if he wasn't entirely sure what had happened himself. After a few false starts, Yamato let out a sound between a growl and a sigh. "He was… avoiding me."

What?

Hiroaki blinked owlishly at Yamato who looked suddenly embarrassed and flustered, as though he realized how ridiculous he sounded.

Taichi had been avoiding him, and so Yamato had thought it'd been a good idea to just stay home. And when that didn't make him feel better, he'd started drinking, too?

/Why would that have…/

"I know it sounds stupid, okay? And it _was_ stupid… I shouldn't have…" Yamato added quickly. "But it felt worse when I was at school, and I couldn't…"

It dawned on Hiroaki suddenly as his son continued to spill words, words that were framing something that Yamato didn't appear to understand, couldn't seem to see.

It wasn't that Yamato relied on Taichi, although he did, and it wasn't that Taichi truly was the best friend that Yamato had, even though he technically probably was.

No, what Hiroaki realized in the late-Sunday-almost-early-Monday hours was that Yamato was… in love.

It was the only thing that made any sense: why Yamato appeared to be so devastated by Taichi's absence, why he always seemed so nervous and desperate to look good in front of Taichi… All of the times Hiroaki had watched Taichi teasing Yamato, seeing how Yamato reacted…

He'd thought it'd been because Yamato wasn't used to being around other kids his own age, but maybe it'd been there all along.

/I should talk to Takeru./ Hiroaki thought. Yamato could be skittish enough without his father interrogating him about his love life.

"I'm sorry I let you down." Yamato murmured.

 _I don't want Takeru around Yamato if he's going to behave like this. You said you would raise him right, Hiro, so how did this happen?!_

"I don't know that you've let me down, kiddo." Hiroaki replied honestly. "I might've done the same if I'd been in your shoes. You've got the fate of two worlds on your shoulders, and you're still just a kid. You're bound to make a few mistakes."

Wide blue eyes stared at Hiroaki in disbelief, as though he'd been expecting to be yelled at.

/He probably was./ Hiroaki thought darkly, cursing Natsuko and the heavy hand she'd tried to raise Yamato with.

"That being said, okaasan doesn't want Takeru over here for a while. Needless to say, it'd probably be a good idea for you to avoid going over there for a while, too."

That sparked tears in Yamato's eyes, and Hiroaki's heart constricted in sympathy. Yamato loved his little brother, and Takeru wasn't the type of kid to be unduly influenced by anyone, despite what Natsuko seemed to think.

"While we're on the subject, you're _un_ grounded for a month." Hiroaki continued, thinking that if he was in for a penny, he might as well be in for a pound. "I don't want you coming home before eight o'clock unless you're having guests. Go to your practice space if you want, Akita-kun said they'd give you the extra keys tomorrow if you're determined to quit the band."

"You're not mad?" Yamato asked, eyes comically wide.

"What, that you quit something that's not making you happy?"

"But…"

"Just… don't tell your brother. If Okaasan finds out about it right now, I'll get another earful. I really don't need that right now. Deal?"

"'Tousan…"

 _I was part of a special R and D dealing with potential multiverses. Part of my task was to figure out how to infiltrate the digital world from the phenomenon that occurred in Tokyo and elsewhere several years ago. If your children were involved as you say, Ishida-san, then they may be in danger._

He hadn't yet confirmed the information that his source in Shanghai had given him, it was far too early to mention it to Yamato.

There'd been hundreds of similar rumors before that had turned out to be hoaxes, after all.

"You should probably get to bed." Hiroaki suggested, glancing at the clock. "Early day and all."

Yamato nodded and reluctantly left the table, bidding his father a faint 'good night' before closing his bedroom door.

Hiroaki just closed his eyes and hoped that the information from China was wrong.

* * *

~ tbc


End file.
